Crushed Hearts

I wrote the below column probably 14 years ago. . .My husband and I just celebrated our wedding anniversary today and I couldn’t help but smile in wonder as I read this old column. You see, I hadn’t even started dating my husband at the time I wrote this yet God gave me faith and hope that there was going to be someone to come along, and that someone did, my husband Jake. Hope you like the story . . . and God bless everyone who has had a crushed heart before. God is there for you too!

I’m not going to talk about stupid things I’ve done in this story.   I know that you

are used to me doing that, however today I’ve decided to write about things I do that start

out with good intentions but end a bit differently well maybe it’s a little stupid now that I

think about it.    I recall when I was young girl and it was Valentine’s Day I was about to

mail my first Valentine to my first sweetheart.   I wanted everything to be perfect and I

wasn’t going to give him his card –  no that was too ordinary – I had to be different!   I

was going to mail it.  

At that time I thought it would be a cute idea to include in the card’s envelope a

few of those candy conversation hearts.   I spilled a few of them out on my desk and tried

to pick out the ones with the cutest sayings like “I like you” and “You’re cute”.  . you

know mushy little things like that which are a big deal to say when you’re in the 4^th

grade.  I spent quite some time and thought in picking out those candy hearts and when I

finally finished I slipped them into my valentine and put it in the mailbox.      Now on the

other side of the world when my little valentine was being processed through the mail

machine a funny thing happened.    I’m sure you know that what took me an hour in

picking out in candy took the post office machine only seconds to desecrate.    Yes you

guessed my little hearts were smashed into candy powder so that when my sweetheart

received my thoughtfulness he was more puzzled than impressed.   I remember him

saying to me ( remember he was a fourth grader too) “um yeah I got your card . . um why

was there pink sand in it?”  I looked like a fool.

I had good intentions didn’t I ?   Sure I did.  In different points and stages of my

life I have had good ideas and loving intentions but they didn’t quite turn out to be the

blessings I had expected.  In fact at times my good intentions have led me to great

heartbreak.    In my recent moments of brokenness when I felt as if my heart had been

smashed into a thousand pieces like valentines candy I remember my faith in God.  Even

when I start out thinking right and hoping for the best in a situation it will backfire on me

and I’ll end up just looking like a fool.   God’s in the business of helping us fools.  

Somehow he can take that pink sand and form it into hearts again.   Psalms 34:18 says

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

And I’m glad and thankful for that.    There are going to be times when you feel like

you’re doing the right thing and you feel God leading you to do something but

unfortunately that doesn’t protect you from getting hurt or mean the mission to succeed.  

Either way it will be okay.   God’s love is much stronger for us than being conditional.  

He sees us start and then fail and then he gives us the courage to try all over again.   I

know I couldn’t do it on my own.   I know that after so many heartbreaks I alone could

not venture out again to any possibilities whether I felt it was God’s will or not.   It is

only through God’s unconditional love that I survive.   From start to finish.   It is the

journey not the beginning or end results.   And that is part of life no post office machine

can crush.